Saturday, January 31, 2009

blood donation.


i definatly want to do one. sort of always have but havent weighed enough haha.


the requirments are 1] must be in good health. 2] 17 with signed consent form or 18 and no consent form 3] and 110+ pounds.


think we might do it for book club if roxanne agrees, even though it's completely unrelated haha, or maybe with hailey and the viking club. =].


anyway, if your reading this and want to know more then visit http://www.bbh.org/ or ask for my number or email and i'll send you stuff or the consent form ect. the next visit to maui are on the days below. it'd be really cool to get a lot of people and do it i think. got to get back to my scholarships so comment if you'd like.



Wailuku
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Baldwin High School
Maui
1650 Kaahumanu Avenue
0830AM
0515PM
Multipurpose Building




Wailuku
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Cameron Center
Maui
95 Mahalani St
0730AM
0515PM
Auditorium






Wailuku
Friday, February 20, 2009
Cameron Center
Maui
95 Mahalani Street
0700AM-0430PM

lonely-ish night.

even though i hung out with kira.
still exhausted.
and cranky.
blech.


btw. i got accepted to NAU.
now just waiting on the schools i actually want to get into!!! hehe.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

brrr.


today its cold.

still worrying about affording college when and if i get accepted to the colleges i want. UW is almost 35500 for average year. uggh. so scholarships scholarships scholarships.

besides that i bitched out the security guard at lahaina gateway because she was this moronaach bitcccchhh and was being evil when i was dying in pain [ended up being really bad gas..sounds stupid and gross i know]. it was horrible.

resting at pats now.
wanted to go get sushi with nell but i need to rest, i wore myself out crying and feeling icky.
oh and me and pat watched underworl:rise of the lycan.
and ate lots and lots of candy.
it was fun.

Monday, January 26, 2009

mixed.

my beds on the ground for now.
had a weirdish day.
dunno whats going on.
things are strange.
and this bed is lame.
tutoring tomorrow.
sooo blah.
ditch day? naaah.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

the hell essay...


Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."


Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:


"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.


Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.


Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
,/br>


Two options exist:
1.If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
2.If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.


So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."


The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

my opinion of god, and other confusing comments

faith [noun] -belief that is not based on proof

religion [noun] - a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.


im completely bored out of my mind at work and don't want to work on anything important. im also full cause of my delicious subway sandwhich. and i dont have plans for the rest of the day, although im working on convincing kira to hang out with me haha.

so to let my mind do something im going to share my little take on "god" and religion in general i suppose, since i mentioned it in an earlier blog. my mom just sent me a quote too, it said that god made us because he thought we'd like it. i think that's pretty accurate if, like i said, there is in fact a god. theres a few things that bother me about the whole concept, and im not singling anything out or trying to piss anyone off, i respect all religions, all beliefs, and i wouldn't and will not push any of my thoughts onto anyone. this is simply my take on things, i in no way want to offend anyone and if i do then i sincirely apologize in advance.

my thought is that yes, there is in some place a higher being, not necessarily a god, just a someone. the thing that does bother me about a "jealous" yet, "compassionate" and "merciful" god, as the bible puts it (which is sort of a contradiction), is that he puts some people in situations that i simply do not understand. there is no personal test or even personal gain in letting a 5 year old get abused, or a 16 year old becoming a murderer, or giving a 17 year old terminal cancer. it's cruel and more evil than i could think of. Where is the mercy? And if all children are innocent why are so many born with life threatining illnesses or die of SIDS? I cant see the mercy in that, or the compassion. it makes me angry and i cant imagine eternally worshiping someone like that.
another point is the ignorance of some religions. i don't believe there is one set god, as i mentioned, or some very large portion of the world would be damned. there are over 4,200 recognized religions around the world and there is absolutely no way that every person on this planet can be exposed to the "right" religion. and what of those who get it "wrong" or have no choice in the path they follow? is it fair for them to be punished as some religions say they should? again, where is the compassion?

one of my strongest objections to established religion is the fact that many do not accept homosexuals. it is proven in studies that they do not choose to be attracted to the same gender, it is genetics. why would anyone choose to be looked down upon by most faiths and most people?to be banished from family, discriminated in military, community, and other organizations and situations. where is the equality and compassion there? and why would this almighty god create someone that by his doctrine should be damned because of this one characteristic. ugh it makes me so frustrated that people are ignorate to that fact. that they shun a person without the slightest thought the person they actually are. it's cruel and very un"godly" or christian or hindu or whatever.

im not meaning to be so critical or singular, as i in fact have a very high respect for others beliefs, except when i have them pushed on me. i think a religion is a choice and it doesnt't need to be shared like it is sometimes. i like to think of it as a more personal endeavor. the whole world doesn't need to know that your obsessed with christ or buddah, even if you think they should know. and beyond my criticism i am actually quite intruiged by religions and their effect on society, although it may sound hypocritical after the points mentioned above.

maybe i'm faithless. maybe im practical. and maybe i'll be damned.
whatever happens this is what i think.

Friday, January 23, 2009

sweet.

tonight was perfect.
the classic date.
dinner and a movie.
paid for by my lovely boyfriend.

[good book and an pretty decentish movie. i just think brendan frasier sucks at acting sometimes...]

oh and of course he left his watch in the bathroom at barnes and noble. but something that silly is to be expected. =]

night everyone. im exhausted.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

headache.

i am so tired and yet i have homework and i cant push myself to do it as much as i cant not do it. ugh. i need to sleep more and eat more during the day. i like starve myself at school and if i do eat its tasteless and nutritionlesss (if thats even a word) and im starving right after school. blah. had an orange that made me feel better and i read about how sunflowers and raisins will give you a burst of energy so i might stock up so i can get through my days more easily. i've been napping as much as i can get. =].


anyway tomorrow should be nice and relaxing i hope. gonna try not to be evil to pat like i was today. i really dont want to lose him and i feel like the things i say push him a way. stupid me.


got some french work to finish up and gonna finish my book, one chapter left.


p.s. im sorry if ive been in a bitchy mood lately. idk what it is. i think its all the stress of school cause it is all completely overwhelming, especially college and scholarships. everyone has their own thing going on and most of them are right on track and im struggling to have a relationship and a good gpa. its strange. ive also been very rant-y lately. so if i go off on you don't take it the wrong way, i guess i just have a strong opinion on some things. like the whole god thing, which i was thinking about talking about but id rather save it for another time. don't get me wrong, i'm pretty open minded.


night creatures.

college, chit chat, and double chocolate cupcakes.

today was cold, again. had an interesting semi-stressful one though. fafsa is fucking nerve racking, but at least its over for now. see what happens in a couple of days. took a nap today, did some homework (put off some though so LOTS 2morrow), and hung out at barnes and noble with my baby... its so nice to feel comfortable with someone like that and just hang out, no obligations, no arguing, no expectations. almost finished my book too =]. 2 more chapters/cases. i think i just might have to read his first book now. it's calld better and its "a surgeon's notes on performance", there was a part about autopsies and SIDS in complications that i just read though and that kind of threw me cause it was intense and sad and a little disturbing [dealt a little with homicides, and 8 infant deaths].



also had a nice, almost 2 hour, chit chat with ms. olson in barnes and noble. it was really nice, shes such a goof. i love her. anyway gonna maybe finish my book or actually sleep tonight, ms olson was getting all "now go to bed u have school" haha. so yeaaaah.



p.s. random but these are the schools im applying to, incase anyone is interested.


University of Washington, Seattle WA
got my heart set on this school and their pre-med/med programs


Washington State University, Pullman WA
second choice, good school, in the middle of nowhere

Northern Arizona University, Flagstaff AZ
in the mountains of arizona, advantage application, backup school, probably would study biomedical sciences.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

china cup.


today = school. again. how lame. needed to send out transcripts but had to get the form to do so, blah. so hopefully all will be done tomorrow, including my WSU app, which i desperatly need a fee waiver for. hmm. at least today was sorta good, after tutoring saw pat and we feel asleep in my bed for an hour and a half, when our initial intention was to go to the pool, but maybe tomorrow...although i think he works, well more time to get stuff done. =]. i was being a bitch though so he took me out to eat and bought me chinese food and followed it up with ice cream cones and a walk. it was really nice and calmed me down a lot, which i needed. now, i think i'll probably relax, more easily, and read or do some gov. homework. (competition is on feb.7!) did i mention pat let me drive the truck, stick shift, home from the store?! hehe it was fun but i stalled out once in the parking lot. xp.

gonna drink some lemon tea and have myself a good night hopefully, bed early so i dont wake up like a spazz, although im not sure how much i can help that....

on a side note, not to be rude or mean or anything, but it's totally tripping me out, hardcore, that everyone is all vegetaianized now. like seriously? when did this become a fad? i was for 4yrs, pretty strictish for the most part, but ate seafood occasionaly(fish mainly for the omega 3 cause im too wacked out to take vitemans daily), but now EVERYONE is. and i'm not. i've succumbed to my inner carnivore haha. just seems like such a face now, i mean i didnt push it on anyone before and they respected my wishes and choice but its so weird that everyones trying it, not really following through, but trying. im happy for them, don't get me wrong, i think its an amazing choice and it is really good for your body and all that good stuff, but its like high fashion to be acutely aware of animal welfare all of a sudden. where was all this 4 years ago? i would have had...friends haha. anyway, sorry for the rant, not meant to be viscious at all. =]

if you got anything interesting going on lemme know. =] comments perhaps, show that i'm listened too haha. night my sweets.

Monday, January 19, 2009

adventure valley


had a little photoshoot adventure today with michi nell and gabriella. it was way fun, although i lack coordination, direction, and prettyness haha. basically i was a mess at the stuff, but it was still fun wandering around up country. it was nice, woke up at 7 (not nice) then went to walmart to pick out cute cheap toys to donate to the humane society, which we did later, and then played in an abandoned maui high school place, and then onwards to twin falls, then flatbread where our server was evil, back to walmart, the humane society, and then me and pat snuggled the night away with a trip to barnes and noble and the end of house season 1. i can't wait for season to BTW, although this one took us a very very very long time and caused me to procrastinate much more than usual haha.


anywhooo, i finished all the hw that should be due tomorrow and i really need to focus on my scholarships/apps. blahhh. and i havent been running, just that one day. no one held me to it. haha tisk tisk. w/e. maybe when i have more tiiiiimmmmmmmeeeeeee, i can do things for myself again. xp. should also get started on my editorial, which i think is going to be on obescity but its 10.30 and i should go to sleep so im not uber bitch in the morning. hope all you creatures have a good night. tty soooon.


playing with water.



rocks.


rocks/water



me and my asian.


NIGHT!




Sunday, January 18, 2009

semi-sanity. this ones a bit long...

i know. i haven't kept up this weekend. just had stuff going on and by the time i made my way home and sat down at the computer i would pass out. like just out cold. so here is a brief backdrop of what i've done, or rather what i remember as i am sort of out of it due to a mild sun burn and lack of sleep:


friday- woke up at nells, went home, pat came over (i think), watched some house among other things (i think), stopped at volcom and the toy store around this time, where after buying sage's gifts i spent around 37.50 on buying myself a huge and adorable black volcom purse and a sorta matching ish magenta clutch, made some plans, went in to town to complete said plans while it was storming for the mear 30 mins it did (this involved dinner with carlos,rachel, and kelly @ outback, followed by a brief visit to barnes and noble where pat bought a book, and then ending with a very confused trip to safeway), and ending in my room with a kiss goodnight.


saturday- woke up early, didn't feel so good and had to work, but it went by fast because i read my amazing book (which i will speak of later on) and procrastinated and had shipment and was in general just quite busy, then pat came over again, hung out like the day before, went to borders express where i bought a one dollar wall-e calender, two dollar book thongs, and eighty-four cent burts bees lip balm, then stopped at pats so he could get clothes, he dropped me off (and stayed at his moms), and i had an hour and a half melt down, one which i will not go into further detail on.


today- woke up 9ish, traveled over to honokawaii park and set up all the little spider man goodies for sages party, ate a little, people started arriving, went and picked up lesly from town, got back, ate some more, played with the kids, did the pinata, ate some cupcakes, had a water balloon fight, watched a baby, opened presents, played in the current beyond the first reef with pat, got scared, caught fish, got sunburnt, ate mac and cheese, watched 2 hours of house, and pat just left. (btw, sage scored on cool presents, and he even liked the ones we got him)

pretty good, kind of stressful, and full of procrastination. but fun none the less. roxanne reminded me on friday that i really really really need to get on with my FAFSA and my scholarships, or i WON'T be going to college for my own lack of trying. sad isn't it? so hopefully if i have time tomorrow that's what i will start on, also got to remember to get transcripts sent to NAU, pay mom back, get ready to send out WSU app by the 31 with fee waiver (finish that app) and remember to get knew wipers on the other side tomorrow while finishing my senior project. quite a workload if its all layed out....hmm.


well, i really should be getting on with my pre-calc work (i think i mentioned i passed the semester with a B, final with an A!, and quarter 2 with a C) because i have plans with nell and michi tomorrow on the other side, but i want to talk about my book a little bit, at least make a note that is. i've been reading this book called Complications: A surgeon's notes on an imperfect science, by Atul Gawande. it is by far one of the most intriguing books i've read in a very long time. i'm about on pg 115, starting a chapter called "the pain perplex". all the information leading me to this point has been simply awesome. he's such a real writer, i don't know how else to explain it. he takes this entirely complex subject, with so many facets and segways and what not, not to mention the mindbogglingly terminology, and he makes it real and human. he's talked about how they have to be careful with wording, especially at teaching hospitals where residents do most of the procedures, NOT THE EXPERTS, and how difficult that can be because people want the best care but if doctors dont have that first try than there won't be doctors. they've also talked about "bad doctors" and how one can't think of them as perfect, sure they strive for perfection, but they make mistakes. my babel doesn't do the work justice but i definitely recommend it even if one doesn't like medical works, it's actually quite funny at parts, particularly when he goes over research he uncovered while preparing himself for an emergency room shift on friday the thirteenth during a full moon. its a good read so far but i suppose i'll have to give my full opinion, wanted or not, at the end of it considering i got bored with stiff towards the end (stiff was a medical work about what happens to cadavers and such for research, crash tests, medical teachings etc. it's by mary roach and ill probably finish it one day...)



anyway another thing i wanted to talk about was how fun it was with all the little kids today, and i got to play with this super fat little baby named william, my hanai grandpas great great grandson, and he was so fricking adorabel. and, being picture taker for the party, i got some awesome shots of all the kids together and even andy, my dads british friend from liverpool, and his daughter isabella who is about 9 months i think, idk. well, it's probably a subject for another time, like when i can upload the pictures...speaking of which here are some of the shots for my senior project...if anyone is interested. =]



proper restraint..doyle's such a good boy though so it was just for show.


this is little bird. she's a cutie, and was visiting.


ben. they adorable yellow lab who had a fish hook stuck in his foot and wouldn't for the life of him calm down, especially not with a muzzle, when dr. ilgen tried to get it out. he had to be mildly sedated, i think around the time i took this pic.




this is jen, on the left, and dr. miller, doing the surgery. i believe they are removing lumps or something from teh dogs tummy, there are more grotesque pictures but i won't put them up incase someone gets sick...



and this little cutie is fletcher. he's training to be a seeing eye dog or something of that nature and this is a little before he got neutered i believe. he was the cutest sweetest thing in the whole world and i wanted him.

Friday, January 16, 2009

picture up-and-over-load.

I am not posting these for my benefit, considering i look mentally challenged in the majority of these photos. So enjoy this interesting array of moments in the life of a hobbit and an asian.
(as i promised)

i try so hard to be JUST like her. haha

ethopian children. adopt for 5$.

the contrast is what attracts us...obviously.

fall fall fall, down the rabbit hole...


our entire relationship with kayla.

ding dang dong.


chocolate macadamia ice cream.

sexy old me and my special needs child, on a roller coaster.
[look we're nubs!! sexxxxxy!]

mactastic.

no school tomorrow so sleep in/sleep over.
sweet dreams bloggers.


p.s. nelly is singing opera hahaha.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

windy weather.



so i agree with nell: "authority figures" fucking suck major ass. this one shall remain "unnamed" but boy what a prick. blaming all this shit on me and he has no idea. just because he has absolutely no control over his child doesn't mean he can assert authority over another, one less likely to fight back. it's so fucked i could just smack them! ugh!

but yeah had a little bity discussion after my sort of depressing blogging episode last night and i feel much better, well i did until these stories/accusations of/by "unnamed" individual. i was so angry i walked back to my hot car. blah. speaking of anger, i think i have to write a journal about anger and if it's good to hold onto it or not. you could say it's sort of appropriate for my current attitude. the "to be or not to be" question of the day. hmph.

had nagasako shoyu chick after school and going to nellys in a tiddle bit, right after pats mom comes by and picks up her stinking package. xp. but yes, me and nelly are going to hopefully take pictures and discuss things and be a search team and do some homework. and all the other fun stuff asians and hobbits do while together. =]
p.s. NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!! storms gonna hit and their worried.
[pix later!]

it hurts a little, kay a lot.

and im not talking about the skinned knee i got from falling down caitys stairs on the way to patricks car, which sucked because i missed the very last step, and with my heavy backpack and laptop just toppled right over and SMACK on the concrete. grrr. had an hour long, really interesting, and fun talk standing outside in the cold with pat just now, but from my point of view it ended badly. no details cause i'll get over it. just sucked, hard. and i realized i have no one that cares about me the most out of anything. everyone has someone. my dad has zoe. my mom has my brother. pat has his brother. nell has jonothan. rachael has kira. caity has jessica... and so on. i may be equal, but never the top. i sorta got left out in a way. lame. ugh. but i'll get over it, as usual. might light some incense before bed. just gonna lay for a while and think...


patrick bought me flowers. for no reason. arent they pretty?!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

road hazard and ramblings.

i noticed, or have been noticing, that i'm not a very safe driver. like at all. i speed... a lot. i drive sporatically when i'm angry, when someone is with me i talk to them [and don't pay attention], when there is music i sing [and don't pay attention] , and when i'm completely alone my mind wanders [and i don't pay attention]. not good. plus the things i think about while driving are completely random. there is absolutely no connection to the events of the day, or things i have to do. it's quite frightining. it's like little voices, but there's only one, and it's me... hmm. i suppose i shouldn't dwell on the idea until i really space out... i can just see it, "thats a pretty tree, trees are nice, squirrels live in trees, squirrels do crack, those are bright headlights, squirrels like head..." and then BANG! hopefully no one is in the car with me when this day comes...


but yeah i really want a new camera...{irrelevant tangent numero uno} because i've been looking at everyones pretty pictures and nice editing skillz, and just the quality of each take and then i see my broke ass digital camera with scratches and tape and no usb cord to connect to anything. it's very sad. =[. like if i had a good camera i could've taken a picture of the moon the other night, and not had to use this stupid laptop youcam thingy to take pictures of my beatermobile. blah. did i mention {irrelevant tangent numero dos} that i have air freshner in my car and it makes my car smell worse than it would if i just let it be... ugh. i also really need a watch. so i don't have to look at my phone every time i want the time. {irrelevant tangent numero tres} of course if i got this wish i would have to relearn how to read time. yes i'm pathetic.


oh oh and before i forget, the best thing about today, well the second best thing about today, the first was seeing rachael!!!, was that i passed trig!!! i got a 95% on my final, which i thought i would bomb big time, and i got a B for the semester!!!! (not so sure about quarter grade yet but it doesn't matter all that much) plus now i'm officially in honors physics, which is sort of good thing number three i guess. but yeah passing trig made my day, so i wanted to share it before my mind wandered, yet again.

well you guys have probably had enough of my ramblings for the time being. if i can figure out how to get my piece-o-crap-camera to connect to the computer i'll upload some of the pictures on it from when i volunteered at the Makawao Vet because there was this adorable little golden retriever named fletcher who i was in love with so you have to see him. =]


school.

Frere Jacques, frere Jacques,
Dormez-vous, dormez-vous?
Sonnent les mantines, sonnent les mantines:
Ding-dang-dong, ding-dang-dong!


i wish i was three again.

Monday, January 12, 2009

la beauté de paix

my little dove chocolate told me to "share your great passion with the world". it made me think... what the fuck is my "great passion"? i've noticed that i haven't entirely decided, or rather i don't quite know yet. i thought i did. but i really don't. i've gone with what seems right in my mind, i want to go into medicine. always have. but i've downgraded from aspiring to surgery, neurology, pediatrics, emergency technician, to registered nurse. hmph. i don't know what i want. maybe i should just fuck it and be a journalist, i just don't see the value in a job like that. everyone hates journalists, reporters w/e. no one trusts them and the job is so brutal. plus i think i've experienced enough of journalism these past for years and i've lost my sense of creativity, kept my voice, just lost the aspect. i've resorted to news and editorials, more emphasis on the editorials which i do each issue, and which have gotten considerably crappier as i care less and less and less it seems. it's just hard to make that a priority when my trig teacher is hovering over me with an F in her hands clucking her tounge. gaaah. plus with college shit i would rather walk of J building than deal. ugh. i've had a very trying break to say the least and although i am sad to see it over i'm hoping i can regain a little normality, even if that does entail my psychotic out bursts. ( did i mention i think i actually have a in balance somewhere up there? well it's besides the point )

^wall-e. painting. pictures. candles.^
kind of a snazzy little shrine huh? haha.

i hope i get everything straightened out, in reality and in my mind. everythings just so unfocused....



at least i accomplished stuff today, me and pat went to the other side in his FINALLY LEGAL truck and stopped by at walmart where i proceeded to buy some shelly senbei crackers, 8 assorted candles, and two packs of variety incense. i am now quite content in my room, still have my snazzy little xmas lights up, my wall-e light is perched on my shelves and i have my candles and incense placed along the tops of objects opposite my bed. its peaceful and it smells nice. i've got a little gardenia stick burning right now, and what a pleasent aroma it is. it's so much easier to think when you're happy with where you are, and the way things are going. =]. i think i might even have time to watch a house episode before bed! ( pat said this ones a douzy )



life's little wonders.

so i completed yesterday with a joyous little trip to the beach and the night at kks. i can't tell you how beautiful the moon was. it was so bright the entire valley lit up as if it was midday. a soft glow covered everything and bleached the sky a pale white. it was amazing. if i had had even a semi-decent camera on me i would have taken a picture. but i didn't =[. tonights moon is almost as gorgeous just not so big, and a little higher in the sky. my shitty little digital camera wouldn't do it justice. but either way last night was gorgeous and even the 5am stormy weather was nice. it made me appreciate the power of nature as the lightning illuminated the sky with sharp figures and thunder rolled not so distantly. a little terrifying, actually. and the rain pounding on their roof kept me up for a good 45 minutes. not such a good thing when i had had only 5 hours sleep the previous night and had a measly 6 last night. which brought me to my 4 hour nap after i dropped patrick off at work at 11. much needed rest even though i still gotta catch up. hopefully tonight will do it, even though it's quite late already... hmph. at least it was a nice night, and i even did my run/walk!!! although way up the airport hill with a real run to finish it off at the top, where i was met by my night in black volcom holding a cold glass of water and offering his sweet kisses. =].


and when i got home, to my nice clean room i might add, me and pat ordered round table pizza with buffalo wings (yummy!) and watched the first three episodes of house m.d., the first season. it was a very relaxing end to the day after i stressed over my pile of homework, stuff i still haven't finished =/. oh well tomorrow. blaaaaaah. if i have time, hopefully gonna go to walmart and pick up some things for school on tuesday and some candles and pretty things for my room so i'm just that little bit more comfortable in here, considering i spend most of my life in this bed or at my desk. xp. well i really should be off to bed, sweet dreams hope you all appreciate life's little wonders as i have the last two days, especially the one's nature and your love ones offer.... speaking of which, i can't wait for the Disney movie earth to come out! but that's besides the point and like i mentioned i should be asleep. so night. =] <3

Saturday, January 10, 2009

coffee cart and comics

i had an absolutely terrible time trying to sleep last night. it was just horrible. i don't think i passed out till well around 1 am. i was in the worst mood cause i've felt so completely overwhelmed in the last couple of days with break almost over and school right around the corner it just seems like too much to handle. it also completely upset me when i learned that my hanai grandfather's (adoptive but not blood related, more like family friend) real great granddaughter ran away after she had saved up the 50s he'd been giving her daily. this 15 yr old is a complete little druggie and a total punk bitch, excuse my language. it just made me so darn frustrated that she is given all these chances and throws it to shit when i struggle to do well to give myself a chance while my parents sway with their money woes. it just proves the age old saying that life simply isn't fair. it's a lesson i'm still learning, obviously, and will be for the rest of my life. i guess you just have to make the best of what you have, i gotta think positive. i have an amazing boyfriend and lots of passion to get where i want to go... i just hope its enough....

another reason i had my little issues last night is because i feel a little like i've lost myself in all this work and driving and worrying. i don't care about me anymore. and im sure that's a little unhealthy. anytime im not in the car, being the taxi, or worrying about college/homework, or at work, im sleeping or hanging out with patrick, the fun part of my break. everything else has been hectic and i can't say i've liked this break all that much. its just one thing after another!!! even resting has become troublesome because it seems to cut into the time i need to actually get stuff done.

i've given up taking care of myself for things i can't get done because im frustrated and miserable. blah. im content with everything but myself. how sad is that?! so no more. i'm going to make myself a priority and hopefully the college apps, scholarship apps, homework, family matters, and relationships will follow suit. that is how it's supposed to work right? well if anyone has some incite i'd more than greatly appreciate it. i think the first step will be getting in shape, a little sun and a little exercise should do me some good and maybe it will motivate me. so i hereby bind myself to at least a half hour walk a day, with or without company. i think it'll be peaceful and maybe unstress me a little bit. i think it's one of the things i've lost control of the most, i mean even though i didn't exercise all that much before i rode my bike quite often and me and patrick were always playing in the pool, which had to help a bit. i mean i can't even touch my toes without a little strain, which is not like me at all. so getting in shape will be first, maybe some pilates and yoga will follow, and i think cutting out harsh meats will be good too, considering it might have been a bad decision to stop being a vegetarian cause now im a fatty =p. so once i start this little commitment good will hopefully follow. and maybe i'll be an all around happier and nicer person. after that initial kick maybe i won't overwhelm myself as much.

well enough of the pity party haha. i woke up bright and early, against my will, and have been at work for going on 4 1/2 hours. oh boy. coffee coffee coffee. work work work. at least i have my trusty computer and a little homework to pass the time. it's only 11am and i'm done at 3 so not too far off. wish i had a good book to read instead but homework is more important, maybe after i finish i'll make a trip to barnes and noble, a little " well done treat " so i can spend all my money and books. =]. it really is the only wise use of cash haha. i was looking at some really interesting books on medicine too, one about a doctor who was on call in iraq looked extremely well done and intriguing. so that could be my big buy =]. i recently finished brisingr, the third book in the inheritance cycle, and it was absolutely perfect. i love fantasy and this 700+ page novel on dragons was just the thing to keep me going last saturday as i sat in the very spot, bored out of my mind.


well i better get back to work, of some kind. probably check in after my walk tonight for a little relieving of all the stuff that sits so unorganized on my conscience. so i'll leave you with this cute little comic that i found in today's issue of the Honolulu Advertiser. a little birdie schizophrenia if you ask me haha.

long day.

so today was slow. very slow. got pat and zoe early and then straight to the bank, followed by breakfast at maui tacos. then right back home for sleep, well more like rest and wresteling. and then a frantic search for a house episode that only sort of failed. anyway ended up in laniopoko where me and jess had a hose fight. it was very very cold =/ but fun. pat got his headlight fixed then off to nellys where we sang the night away. im sure nell will have pics up later. it was lots of fun. singstar 80s, 90s, rocks, and pop with kayla, jordyn, nell and moi. it was quite the night. and im not so sad to admit i've never heard the paula abdul song 'opposites attract', but will point out that although its weird that shes singing with a animated cat in the video she is still very pretty. quite a feat in my book =]. well im super exhausted and i have to work at 630 in the am. on sage's birthday =[. he's five tomorrow!!!!! i can't believe it!!!!! probably be writing later tomorrow, cause i'll have nothing but smoothies, lattes and homework today. and i'd rather postpone the latter.

Friday, January 9, 2009

house and tea.


a steaming cup of chamomile tea with about 10 spoonfuls of honey and 2 house episodes, one watched at pats moms, one on dvr right now, with an additional unrelated episode following. all the medical drama excites me haha. and pats into it too, he'd call during commercials when i got home, our timing was different cause of the magic of dvr, and be like "its so sad", or "call me back when he does this it's so funny!" i love him hahaa. and i love hugh laurie, but who doesnt love a brit who acts like an american md who is completely off the wall and sarcastic and just plain amazing. i know it sort of glamorizes the medical profession and that it doesn't all work out perfectly and yada yada but its entertaining especially cause house is such a character.

anyway all the excitement and satisfaction from this snazzy little show made for a good ending to an interesting, semi-productive, and overall pretty nice day.

the day went as follows: woke up, dunno when; tlked to pat, and then fetched him from the house with a nice big hug and some chocolate milk; wisked him away to my house and sat in bed; talked and wrestled and giggled; did homework while he played video games; became completely unproductive; picked up pats paycheck and went pool hopping; ended up at pats moms and voila. the day without all the minor details. now im chlorineee and content. and exhausted. its also cold...for my house. weird. had to close the windows because of the chill. brr. wearing cozy pjs and still the shivering. sorta like it haha.

and on a sort of unrelated note, me and patrick made 1 yr and 1 mnth today. it makes me giddy and shocks me at the same time. yippee haha. we've finally hit this cruise control kind of mood too. we don't argue or fight as much (knock on wood) especially about minor stuff (although it could be i was just pmsing like no other. =] )and we have lots of fun. we even went swimming today and chased each other and jumped around and splashed. it was fun and happy. and i feel so lucky. im bragging. so i'll shut up. and go to bed. xp. night.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

vroom vroom

its 3.13 and i havent left the house. dont plan on it either. though today might be a good day but woke up at around 10.30 and it wasn't. sat in front of the t.v. zoning out for a good hour and a half before mom walked in and i retreated to the horror of my room. what a mess. thought i'd havce the energy to get it done right away but didn't. well don't. maybe i will after this vent but who knows, didnt think i'd fall asleep but after only 30 mins sitting on my bed i was out for another hour or so. blah. woke up grouchy again and had a little episode or something. a little pity party if u will that i cruely involved my boyfriend in. poor pat. he's so sweet and im so evil sometimes. i'll make up for it somehow. maybe with a big hug and a chocolate bar or a cookie... we'll figure it out i just wish i knew whats going on with my body. so exhausted and random depressive moods with short bursts of energy that follow. [usually...hopefully this time.]

anyway, was thinking, while lying down completely unproductive, how unbelievably strange automobiles are. specifically my dying green piece of crap. seriously i need to take a picture of it. everything on it is breaking. fan doesnt work so AC has to be on constantly so the car doesnt overheat, gas waster, front of the car is rusting 0_o, inside handle on drivers door i snapped, u need frinking monster strength to roll down the drivers side window, the seats are gross, the radio/speakers dont work, if the car is off for too long you have to hit the hazard lights or the indicators won't go on, if you lean to far forward ur seat may unbuckle, the window wipers are shit and make it more difficult to see, i had the gas cap on the top of the car and drove away without noticing till i got home, there is sticker residue on the back, the front tire is still a spare from when i popped it hopping a curb, i think there is a crack in one of the headlights from god knows what, and the glove compartment won't close as of the new year. its a mess and my dad won't get rid of it because he knows its a piece of crap and he won't get even close to what he payed for it know. but what does he expect its a 97 or something hyndai elantra. an evergreen stationwagon for christ sake!
EXHIBIT A
rusty and gone gas cap.
cracked rear headlight. and my foot.

broken glove compartment. [note tape]

rusty front end.
profile view.

i really should go get something done so maybe ill blog again later. xp...really is quite soothing.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

my manic and i

so here goes. the words of the song im hearing are telling me "die your hair suicide blonde" and i can't help but giggle. i'm currently listening to one of my pandora radio stations, started with laura marlings name and has kind of morphed into this quiet playlist of songs i've never heard of but fall in love with immediatly. i can't bookmark them fast enough. and the words flow so sweetly with acoustic melodies and songs from the weepies and imogen heap in the mix. it makes me smile. my favorite song lately though is my manic and i by laura marling. you just have to hear it. it just makes sense, or maybe just to me, been a little manic lately myself. but not in the uppety run around cleaning like a psycho. just plain psycho. =] hah. whatevers though the last few days have been good and mellow and nice. i hope this agreement between me and my world continues because i really like this loved feeling that i've been getting. especially from patrick. its all happiness on that front for now, and hopefully for a long time. its past due and he deserves some peace the way i've berated him during my sessions of madness. he's put up with me and in a way we've both been rewarded. we make 1 yr 1 mnth in two days time. =]. yay. gotta remember to focus tomorrow though and pick my clean clothes up of my floor and get to work on my we the people book because school starts back up on the 13th. i really should be doing something more productive with my time, like being social with more than just my boyfriend, and on occasion my family. gotta get my life straightened out, prioritize. first: school work. second: college applications and scholarships! third: family...that shoulda been first. see my problem? well gonna go see what the madre is up to. i think house might be on soon. love.