my little dove chocolate told me to "share your great passion with the world". it made me think... what the fuck is my "great passion"? i've noticed that i haven't entirely decided, or rather i don't quite know yet. i thought i did. but i really don't. i've gone with what seems right in my mind, i want to go into medicine. always have. but i've downgraded from aspiring to surgery, neurology, pediatrics, emergency technician, to registered nurse. hmph. i don't know what i want. maybe i should just fuck it and be a journalist, i just don't see the value in a job like that. everyone hates journalists, reporters w/e. no one trusts them and the job is so brutal. plus i think i've experienced enough of journalism these past for years and i've lost my sense of creativity, kept my voice, just lost the aspect. i've resorted to news and editorials, more emphasis on the editorials which i do each issue, and which have gotten considerably crappier as i care less and less and less it seems. it's just hard to make that a priority when my trig teacher is hovering over me with an F in her hands clucking her tounge. gaaah. plus with college shit i would rather walk of J building than deal. ugh. i've had a very trying break to say the least and although i am sad to see it over i'm hoping i can regain a little normality, even if that does entail my psychotic out bursts. ( did i mention i think i actually have a in balance somewhere up there? well it's besides the point )
^wall-e. painting. pictures. candles.^kind of a snazzy little shrine huh? haha.
i hope i get everything straightened out, in reality and in my mind. everythings just so unfocused....
at least i accomplished stuff today, me and pat went to the other side in his FINALLY LEGAL truck and stopped by at walmart where i proceeded to buy some shelly senbei crackers, 8 assorted candles, and two packs of variety incense. i am now quite content in my room, still have my snazzy little xmas lights up, my wall-e light is perched on my shelves and i have my candles and incense placed along the tops of objects opposite my bed. its peaceful and it smells nice. i've got a little gardenia stick burning right now, and what a pleasent aroma it is. it's so much easier to think when you're happy with where you are, and the way things are going. =]. i think i might even have time to watch a house episode before bed! ( pat said this ones a douzy )
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